Not an Option 04-10-09

04-10-09 Not an Option

I was recently reminded of a silly story my father used to tell when I was young enough that silly stories told by parents were funny rather than embarrassing. The story was about a restaurant claiming to have every food in the world. What ever you wanted, they could make.
I was reminded of the story when I was following up on an enforcement issue. I needed to see, with my own eyes, that an illegal pipe hade been removed. I needed to see that it was gone, no longer existed and no longer led to the unpermitted “grey water system”. In fact, I needed to look at that septic pit, which was supposedly “just” a grey water system. If it was, in fact, a grey water pit installed without a permit and had pipes leading only back only to the garage, then that pit needed to be crushed and filled. If we looked into the pit and saw that it was part of the house’s septic system, then I only needed to make sure that there were no other pipes going into it than the approved ones from the house.
When I arrived to inspect the removed pipe, what I saw was simply that a short piece had been removed, say, six inches, and the open ends of the pipes had been capped off. I explained that this was not sufficient, as it could so easily be connected again. In fact, it’s easy to purchase PVC sections designed just for this kind of application, with a larger opening on each end to fit over the cut ends of pipe. With two minutes and some glue, you were back in business with whatever the unpermitted activity was.
The responsible party, upon hearing my explanations, drooped a bit and experienced what appeared to be unbelief and a sense of being weighed down. I could understand his being overwhelmed, for the enforcement role I played concerning the removal of illegal plumbing was, perhaps, minor compared to the numerous issues the property owner was dealing with. Some of those issues would prove to be very costly, also, for he was dealing with numerous departments both at the State and the local level. In an attempt to show some sympathy toward his plight, I indicated my understanding that he clearly had a lot going on and now that at least the pipe had been cut, I offered to come back later when we could resolve this pipe thing properly.
Despite my acknowledgement of his sense of being burdened and besieged by legal proclamations, he still sighed with unbelief in response to my refusal to accept his method of disconnecting the pipe. He seemed to be pondering this still, even though I reminded him that he didn’t have to worry about it right now. We could talk about it the following week. He heard but remained absorbed in thoughtful incredulity.
He was still looking down at the cut and capped pipe and shaking his head, when he looked up and asked me what the fine for this was. I explained that I had no intention of fining him. I just wanted the problem removed. Still, he insisted, he just wanted to know the fine for this kind of thing. We went back and forth three times with this fine-no-fine thing before he seemed to reach some resolution for himself, as he said, nodding his head, “Maybe that’s the thing to do. Maybe that’s the easiest thing to do. Pay the fine and be done with it, rather than going through all of this.”
As I heard this, I realized that although he was talking to me, he was really talking to himself, strengthening and reaffirming his reasoning. Now I was the one stammering with disbelief. “What do you mean, just pay the fine? What good would that do? You’d till have to disconnect the pipe!”
As I said this out loud, I became aware of his thinking. I understood his goal.
Don’t get me wrong! He was not trying to bribe me. There would have been a different voice, a different look in his eyes.
I attempted once more to make it clear. “If you don’t remove the pipe, I will have to fine you but you still have to remove the pipe. So, you can remove the pipe and not pay or you can remove the pipe and pay.”
He seemed a bit dazed or amazed. I’m not sure. I told him I needed to return soon when he was ready to show me the removal of the pipe and the inside of that pit.
The man had fewer options than he realized and this is why the situation reminded me of my father’s story. Someone goes into that restaurant thinking that he has the challenge to prove the claims as false. He went into that restaurant and ordered something he was sure they would not have! He goes in, sits down and asks the waitress if the menu is accurate, “This restaurant has everything?” The waitress answers, “Yes. That is correct.” Ah, ha! So then! The man gleefully orders an elephant ear sandwich. The waitress leaves but momentarily returns, only to tell the customer, “I’m sorry, sir, but we are all out of those large buns.”
It never really was an option.


Cathleen Drinan is the health agent for the Town of Halifax, MA. If you think the rule is wrong, visit your local board of health to discuss changing them. She wants to hear your comments and can be reached at 781 293 6768 or cdrinan@town.halifax.ma.us